sadness

I just feel like breaking down and crying my eyes out. I am trying to stay busy around the house, thinking it will be the cure, but it is not. Here is what is behind all my emotion: My mom has lupus. She doesn't do the best job at taking care of herself. I have been really bothered by her condition for a long time. I want better healthcare for her than what I think she is receiving, but all of it is so beyond my control. The disease is so complicated that I can hardly understand it, and she is pretty private so not many even know what she is going through. Well tomorrow I am going with her to the hospital so they can run some extensive tests. She has pneumonia for the 3rd time in 5 months. She also has pleurisy for the second time. Her body is not responding to the medication and instead of getting better, the disease spread to her other lung. After all the test have been run that want to admit her and give her antibiotics through IV's. Every time I talk to her, I sound almost too casual. I don't want her to know that I am worried. I have a hard time being completely vunerable with her at times. Anyways, the point is, I am REALLY concerned. I want my mom to be better. She has so many stinkin health problems, it's kinda depressing. So if you read this, and you think about me or her, please pray for healing. I know we serve a GREAT BIG God and I have no doubt about Him being in control. I just need to rest in His peace and hope my mom is doing the same.