spent

Let's see. I woke up this morning anxious to get the day going. This is so NOT typically me. I love laying in my warm bed, dozing in and out. If I am not up early to walk with my dad, normally I don't get up until #3 is pulling my arm begging for her "popsarts". I am no where close to being a morning person. Anyway, I went to bed last night asking, why do I not like to get up? I have the most amazing kids ever, I am living in my "dream life", what makes it so hard to get up? I really want my kids to have this sense that serving them brings me joy. I feel that I communicate it about 75% of the day, but the first hour, I don't. So anyway, being a stay at home mom, can be kinda smothering. I mean you are with your kids 24/7. Sometimes I find myself wanting to just break away, go in the closet, sit there alone in quiet. Sometimes I am so longing for those moments that I miss the now with the kids. Today, I gave myself so completely to them. And in those alone times, like drying my hair, I just breathed deep. It wasn't this picture perfect day, but I am ending it feeling like I made a lot of the right choices. I noticed the small details of my children. I delighted in the simple things.

To celebrate valentines tomorrow we made cookies tonight. They really had a ton of fun. I video taped part of it, and after they went to bed, I video taped again. I showed the cookie dough on the floor with a shoe print in it, the macaroni noodles left over from dinner squished all over the place, black beans (looked like rat crap) littered the floor as well as confetti sugared sprinkles. Pans everywhere, stuff piled high. It was the biggest disaster my kitchen has seen in a long time. Thankfully I had the energy to get it all cleaned up. My body is so ready for the bed every night after the kids hit the hay. Oh, I finally gave in and decided to keep my Billy Blanks TAE BO video. I have been doing it everyday that I haven't been able to walk with dad. Most days I combine it with Denise's Pilates. Everyday my butt is sore. Feels good, I know its working!

This is so random ... but it's my thoughts. Good night.