taking a real view

I just finished the dishes and I am pooped. Tonight while I was scrubbing, I kept thinking of all the things that needed to get done. I was feeling guilty that I was choosing to quit for the night instead of staying up to iron. Then I realized we had not "officially" done any school this week. Then it hit me. Back before we had kids and I did the normal 9 to 5 job, I can't begin to tell you how many nights we let chicken or beef spoil in the frig, just b/c I was too tired to cook and we chose to go out to eat instead. That is never an option now. I seriously cook at least 5 nights a week, at least. I look at what I accomplish everyday now compared to what I did 7 years ago before kids, wow, things have changed.

I wish I could erase this "idea" that I feel completely successful when the house is all in order. Tonight I fought back the negative defeating feelings and found lots of things that I should feel good about. I am not backed up on laundry, I wiped down the kitchen cabinets today, I weed-eated the monkey grass so the new growth could come through, I got to snuggle a bunch with my kids today (that is a priority everyday), My kids got to spend 3 hours outside playing, I ate three meals with my kids. We all 5 snuggled tonight on the couch and laughed at AFV. So what that we haven't done curriculum schooling this week. #1 has learned a ton. His reading blows me away. On his on initiative, he wrote another book, tried to spell words on his on (phonically correct), built tons of lego structures, had lots of story time with me, asked that we study bumble bees (which we will tomorrow), asked a million how why questions. You know, I am just following his lead and that is where and what he learns. Sounds totally like I am plunging into the "unschooling" method. Never thought I would be here, but it works for now. I do think I need to ask "my Karen" to come back and help me clean at least once a month. I will admit that our schooling could be better if I was not so caught up in the daily chores. Living in our home basically 24/7, it requires a lot of up keep.

I know this might sound like I am bragging, but I am constantly over looking my accomplishments and my blessings. I am wired to dwell on the things left undone, the things I suck at, the things I can't find, the stuff waiting to be cleaned, the time I wasted. I have to work on this. Love myself and be okay with where we are at. We are truly one big happy family. I couldn't love my man and kids any more than I do. I know I say that, but some how, it blows me away, but tomorrow I will love them even more.