deep within me

Haven't felt like writing much lately. I am dealing with family junk the past two days and it's hard to bare all that on the world wide web, even for an open book girl like me. Nothing within our household, just extended family stuff.

As I pause for a minute and try to figure out what to type next, I take a glimpse back on my life over the past 5 years. Boy have I changed. 3 years ago, I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I was critical of me, my man, every thing and everybody. I lived with guilt. I carried guilt about the stupidest things and it made zero sense. All I wanted to be was who I thought the people I respected most wanted me to be. Internally I was on an emotional roller coaster that never came to a stop. It took me hitting rock bottom in two areas of my life to make a change. Now, with the help of some expensive professional advice, I am me. I know me, I love me, and I accept me. When you live in chaos it is hard to see things clear. I am so thankful for someone helping me pin point the root of all my craziness. Once I could see it clearly, I knew I had to change. It wasn't easy everyday, but each day was so much easier than the one before. So right now, when the problems are pounding at my door that once shook me to the core, I can stand confident and know I have nothing to prove, no one to impress, nothing to hide, I am who I am. I am a child of God. I am called to follow him not man, and faithfully choose the path he has planned out for me. It may never make sense to those I love the most, but I must be obedient to the one who chose to love me first. My relationship with my kids is so much better now, my marriage is SO much happier now, and I feel so emotionally healthy, it's great. So this junk will pass. I will learn even more about God's grace and perfect love. I will become stronger in the end.