more bad news

My mom is home from the hospital. Her doctor is requesting she get a second opinion. He wants her to be aware of how different doctors treat her disease and allow her to pick the best option for her. I respect him for it.

My hubby's mom got bad news. They have found a B-B size lump in her breast that they must remove. She will have surgery next week and have to undergo radiation. I am hurting for both moms. This is so crazy it is all hitting at the same time.

Here is a big bright spot for the day. My dad gave our kids face paint. I guess he was tired of seeing markers all over their face. The kids love it. They already have ideas of what they want painted for tomorrow.

update on my mom

Did not get good news today. My mom has been diagnosed with acute pulmonary fibrosis. I am doing internet research on it and what I am finding is upsetting. We will know more tomorrow after the doctor sits down and answers every question we can think of. It's scary to think that I could be losing my mom in a few years.

I am trusting in the Lord. His glory will be made known through it all.

it's Sunday

Well, let's see. This Sunday we went to church. Ate lunch out. Came home. Mopped the floor. My man washed his car. I went to visit my mom. Then I grocery shopped. Home again and we ate dinner. I just ate a strawberry. It was so delicious. Sweet as candy. Strawberries are my favorite fruit.

So, I spoke to my dad about my mom. I think we are on the same page. While I was visiting her, she expressed her concern about what the doctor is telling her. If it is lupus attacking her lungs, then it could be continual and debilitating. I asked her if she was ready to make some changes and try another type of healthcare. The answer was a stubborn NO. So I said all I wanted to say. It didn't go so well, but at least she knows how I feel and I know how she feels. When I left her room I was really frustrated. As I shopped in the store I realized, I've said all I can say, I can't make her change, I have to accept that and let it go. I can't allow it to affect me. It is SO beyond my control.

Right now I feel kinda numb. I think I am putting up this wall of defense so I don't cry or feel angry. I don't want the anger. I don't want to cry.

AFV is about to come on. I think I will try to go laugh with the kids and hubby for a while.

Here's some pics of the best looking man in the world and my favorite 3 kids. Right now in our marriage we are on a MOUNTAIN TOP. I swear I don't think I could love that man anymore than I do right now. Damn it is good.




He made up the character ... Crow Boy. Why? I have no clue?

thanks

I spent most of yesterday at the hospital with my mom. Thanks for all the prayers. I felt so bad for her. She got poked and prodded so many times. They did a biopsy of her lung to see if the pneumonia was bacteria based or just the lupus attacking her lungs. After the procedure they doctor explained he thinks it is the lupus. That is why her body is not responding to the antibiotics. She'll be in the hospital until Sunday or Monday.

I really enjoyed hanging out with her. It is rare that she and I are alone together. I really love her a lot. I told her that I was ready for her to make some lifestyle changes. I know I don't understand all about lupus, but the path she is on isn't working. Last night I spoke to a friend of hers who is a homeopathic specialist. Mom has refused to get "natural" help. I think I am going to write a letter to her asking she give it a try. I know many people who radically changed their life by seeking alternative methods to healthcare. I know I am faced with the fact I am addicted to sugar and I have some chronic problems from it. I just don't want to change my eating habits to help myself. If I am going to ask my mom to change, I need to be willing to do the same.

We're all going to visit her today. I hope she is getting better.

sadness

I just feel like breaking down and crying my eyes out. I am trying to stay busy around the house, thinking it will be the cure, but it is not. Here is what is behind all my emotion: My mom has lupus. She doesn't do the best job at taking care of herself. I have been really bothered by her condition for a long time. I want better healthcare for her than what I think she is receiving, but all of it is so beyond my control. The disease is so complicated that I can hardly understand it, and she is pretty private so not many even know what she is going through. Well tomorrow I am going with her to the hospital so they can run some extensive tests. She has pneumonia for the 3rd time in 5 months. She also has pleurisy for the second time. Her body is not responding to the medication and instead of getting better, the disease spread to her other lung. After all the test have been run that want to admit her and give her antibiotics through IV's. Every time I talk to her, I sound almost too casual. I don't want her to know that I am worried. I have a hard time being completely vunerable with her at times. Anyways, the point is, I am REALLY concerned. I want my mom to be better. She has so many stinkin health problems, it's kinda depressing. So if you read this, and you think about me or her, please pray for healing. I know we serve a GREAT BIG God and I have no doubt about Him being in control. I just need to rest in His peace and hope my mom is doing the same.

sleeping buds

This is #3 and her best little friend. They have a love/hate relationship. Some days they are so sweet to each other (which has been the case today) and then they have moments when they are just mean. They both cuddled up with me and went to sleep on the couch. He and his big brother have been playing at our house most of the day.

Kids really crack me up. #1 gets in a silly show off mood when his friends first arrive. He is constantly making wise cracks about his booty, boogers and all that other gross stuff. He seriously thinks his booty/buttocks and underwear are the funniest things ever invented. He has a millions jokes or wise cracks about it. I will admit sometimes it really is funny, but most of the time I am like ... get over your bottom, son. One day he answered the phone. It was his dad. So when he handed the phone over to me so I could talk, he said ... Hey mommy, it's daddy ... in his underwear! We all three cracked up at that one. The girls think he is extremely funny. When they or any other friend laughs at his jokes, he steps up his silly act and really performs.

Well I am headed to get dinner going ...

best family day ever!

Today we slept late, ate French Toast-hubby got his breakfast in bed, went to Imagine It (kid's museum), had a picnic dinner while watching classic Tom & Jerry cartoons, then tickle time before bed. I am on a high. I treasure days like this. Here's some photos.

Oh, and I made some edits to my"blogroll" Check it out.


This was made out of sand. What is his mind on?!

i want 'em!

My grandmother brought valentine cupcakes over for the kids last week on an old Ronald McDonalds plate. Oh, how I love that plate. I grew up using that plate every time I visited them. I think they used to have several. They were made in 1977. Now it is treasured by my kids as well. I had a hard time returning it to her today. All of us wanted to keep it. I couldn't stop thinking about that plate so I went online to see if I could get me some. Sure enough people are selling them on eBay. Four plates for $10. Not bad. I REALLY hate McDonald's food, I just love the memory of the plates. (Sidenote: Rachel, I have faint memories of one of your birthday parties at the local McDonalds in our hometown. We were real young.)

Hopefully my man will agree these plates are a must have and I can get 'em. By the way he is home! I am So happy!

sweet love

The kids were extra yummy tonight as I tucked them in. I crawled in bed with each one. Oh, I treasure those moments. It is one of my favorite ways to end a long day.

Tonight is the last night I will sleep alone. HE comes home tomorrow. I can't wait to squeeze him tight!

My friend Rachel and her kids came to play today. Hers plus mine made 7 sevens running crazy throughout the house. It was fun. I still can't believe one of my oldest friends in my life (since kindergarten) is still one of my best friends and now our kids are friends. I love it.

Check out the pics of the kids. #3 is wearing an old shirt of her brothers with some kind of decoration taped to the front. #2 is wearing on her head one of the tackiest princess crowns we own. #1 is some kind of super hero that was saving animals (all the other kids) from burning buildings.

back on track

I am back. I am over the hump. I felt it yesterday, but I am positive after today. I feel calm, cool and collected. And as you would expect, the whole family is happy if mama's happy. The kids have noticed it too. I bet all together they told me at least a dozen times today ... I love you. I feel swell.

Today we made it to church. We left only 5 minutes late. Yes I am proud that it was ONLY 5 minutes. (Honey, we got one of the last 6 parking spaces left near the building!) Afterwards we ate at Longhorns with my parents. YUM YUM. Then home and all the kidlets took a nap. AHHHHHH! I played Boggle online for 2 hours. It's so addicting. Around 5 pm #1 finished a book that he wrote and illustrated. I will post pictures later. It was about Wonder BOY saving his city from a bad guy who kept setting buildings on fire. In the end, the bad guy killed Wonder Boy and then he came back to life. (Jesus?) After he reappeared, he killed the bad guy. A totally boyly (that is #1's terminology) book. Danger, bad guys, heroes and death. Then he wanted to read it to me while I video taped him reading it, like they do on Between the Lions. After the short book all the kids decided to make puppets and put on a puppet show. I helped tape a few things, but the design was all their own. Next came dinner. When the daddy is out of town, I read to the kids while the eat their supper. It saves us from boring conversation, like ... What did you do today? Uh, let me guess, I know everything that happened since we've been together all day long. They really get excited when I begin the book. Normally it extends to after dinner and we all pile up on the couch and read some more. Anyways, we read a book tonight called .. Hedgehog Bakes a Cake. At the end of the book it gave the recipe. Next thing you know we are baking a pound cake. It was so delightful to see them so interested in all the details of baking. #1 read most of the recipe to us and everyone pitched in. It came out of the oven just before bedtime, (at little late bedtime tonight). I really liked it, so did #3. The other two didn't think it was all the great.

I honestly really enjoyed today. I avoided many frustrations by being firm with consequences for negative behavior. I felt so relaxed. I love seeing the way my kids learn and create on their own. I feel like I am drifting towards "unschooling" (it is a homeschool term). I haven't used my Weaver curriculum in weeks. I don't miss it either. I just found out about Konos. I want to find out more about it. (Thanks Sprittibee for the info!) It sounds like it might be right up our alley. My goal tonight is to be asleep by 10:30, wake up at 6:00 am. Workout with Billy and Denise in my own living room. Shower, read the word, and be ready for the day at 7:30. Truthfully, I will be shocked if I actually follow through on all this. Who knows? Maybe I will be disciplined enough.

Oh, I know I mentioned this last week about the sermon series from our church. I PROMISE it is really really really good. Again, it is about temptation. Every kind of temptation you can/will face. I want to buy the series on DVD and put it in the hands of everyone I know. Here is the link: You can listen or watch it.
Forty-One Days, Pause, Part 1 & Soul Provider, Pause, Part 2.

why, why and why & RC racing

1. Why: Why is it that my husband who rarely travels, has spent the past two weeks in two different cities (that I want to visit) and stayed in two FABULOUS hotels that I would die to stay in? Why am I not with him????

2. Why: Why is it that my first two kids are scared to death at trying new food but
crazy girl #3 tries about anything? We ate at a Mexican place today and she was trying everything. She didn't like everything but she at least wanted to try it all. I absolutely love that about her.

3. Why: Today #1 asked about one million why and how questions.

Here is just a sampler of the random questions he asked:

Why do bad guys have guns?
Have you ever seen a bad guy?
Do good guys sell guns to bad guys or do they just steal them?
Why won't our waitress give us a quarter to buy candy in the gumball machine?
How do they get that waterfall to look real on that picture? (We were at a flea market)
Why do people make cheap toys that fall apart easily?
Why do people sell old stuff that was made a long time ago?
How did they make all this old stuff? (We were still at the antique and flea market)
Is that a real knife?
How did they make that knife so big?
Why is this bathroom so dirty? (Still at the flea market)
Why does this door say "out". Is this the only door in the building you can go out?

A little background. I heard about this local flea market where you can buy great children's books (used) for about 50 cents. So we went to go see. It was like some kind of redneck festival. Junk and junk and more junk. Dogs, birds, knives, bras, panties, cheap toys, purses, jewlry, pageant dresses, funnel cakes, hotdogs, produce, antiques, mailboxes, body sprays. It was a sight. Now when I was young (this is a side tangent) I would travel to Daytona with my grandparents every summer. My favorite thing, besides baking myself in the sun from 9 to 5, was spending cash at the flea market. I wasted money on fake tattoos, swimsuits, sunglasses, and yes I even bought one pair of underwear. I loved it. I even tried to bargain too. If you dig deeper in my past, like late elementary, you would find out that I aspired to be a redneck. I wanted my first car to be a little red Ford truck 4x4 (jacked up a bit), I wanted to own a 4-wheeler. I loved going mud boggin in the deep south with my cousins. I thought living in a double wide was cool, and I wished I could be in beauty pageant like my cousin Donna. My how things change! But as I was walking through the flea market, among all the deep southern people, smelling all the goods at the refreshment stand, I was reminded of my secret beloved hobby I held for over 6 years. Starting my 7th grade year in junior high, I started remote control car racing with my dad. We started off road and then a place opened up near by that had the largest indoor oval track in Georgia. I knew I was cool, being the only girl week after week showing up to race and strut my stuff. Oh, many fond memories. I even went to regional and state events to compete. My dad was the best, he won all the time. I was pretty good, I had my share of wins. Once I started college, it was just too hard to keep up, so I slowly faded out. How dorky is this, in the freshman handbook for our college that showed pictures and mini bios to introduce all the new students, under my name it listed hobbies: remote control car racing. You know that screamed: Redneck alert, redneck alert! What was I thinking? Ha. Ha. Ha.

Okay, so where was I? I gotta quit. I AM going to church by myself with the kids tomorrow. I promise myself, I will get up.

sick little one

Thursday #2 and her daddy were sick. I felt bad that he came home feeling completely wiped out but at the same time it was SO SO SO nice to have him home for a whole day. #2 was running a fever and vomiting. This is the first time ALL winter one of us has been sick. I keep expecting someone else in the house to catch it. So far so good. She is more on the up and up today. The past two days she has barely moved off the couch. The TV has been on more than I care to admit, but she had no energy to play. Hopefully Georgia Public Television inspired some learning through all of it.

Yesterday I was down. Just felt overwhelmed and yucky. I realize I am a very negative person. I don't give myself credit for the small things I accomplish. I only feel good when I get BIG things done. Anyway. My man patiently listened to me whine. Then he really encouraged me and helped me change my "mental direction". I am so blessed that my husband is truly my best friend.

Bad news ... my man just left to catch a plane for Texas. This is really unusual for him to be gone so much. I had planned to go visit his parents in Florida, but since #2 got sick, we decided to stay home. Since she is feeling better, I started doubting my decision to stay home. I am really fickle sometimes. Well, a lot of the time. Anyway, we are staying. I am excited though b/c the day after my hubby comes home, we're having a family day at a kids museum. I am SUPER pumped about it. I am kinda sappy about family time and family outings. I get so giddy about them. I love it when all 5 of us are engaged in doing something together. I can't explain it. Thursday night we were all around the table having dinner. I became teary eyed just because we were all together again, eating, laughing, sharing, it makes me feel complete.

actioned out

We had a long and full day today. I just tucked #1 in bed. He said ... today was really fun. I have had so much fun that I used all my action up.

ok, I gotta run. I want to accomplish a few more things before my man finally comes home. He called me from the plane before it took off. Tears were in my eyes because I can't wait to see him. I wanted to crawl through the phone, sit in his lap and make out with him from the entire flight from NY to home.

ended bad

The day was going just fine and then 5 minutes before bed, it was like a bomb dropped. The house has seemed to be out of control for days on end. I know I am working to keep it up but I feel like I am swimming upstream. Towards the end of the afternoon I began to really focus on accomplishing things around the house. By the kids bedtime, I was about to complete a few tasks. I asked #3 to get her p-jays on. Now she has had no nap today, she is loaded up on sugar from Valentine's treats, she has played hard indoors and out. She is begging me to go night-night. I am so focused I expect her to go potty all by herself and get dressed for bed. Now see I know she is only 2 1/2. On a good day when she is chipper and in the mood, she can accomplish those things completely on her on. Not tonight. I failed to take in consideration what was going on in her little world. I was calm calm calm. By the sixth time I asked her to go potty, the monster mama voice holler out. I HATE it when I yell, I mean HATE it! The kinda of yell where you are just exasperated. I helped her get ready but with frown on my face. She was crying and I was distant. God quickly softened my heart and tears came to my eyes. I tucked that sweet little piece of love in and asked for forgiveness. Sweet thing said, "I sorry, too." Then I made my rounds, tears streaking down my face to say goodnight and sorry to the other two kids. I completely identify with Paul ... I do what I don't want to do.

One last night to be alone. My man comes home tomorrow. I c.a..n..n..o..t..wait.

spent

Let's see. I woke up this morning anxious to get the day going. This is so NOT typically me. I love laying in my warm bed, dozing in and out. If I am not up early to walk with my dad, normally I don't get up until #3 is pulling my arm begging for her "popsarts". I am no where close to being a morning person. Anyway, I went to bed last night asking, why do I not like to get up? I have the most amazing kids ever, I am living in my "dream life", what makes it so hard to get up? I really want my kids to have this sense that serving them brings me joy. I feel that I communicate it about 75% of the day, but the first hour, I don't. So anyway, being a stay at home mom, can be kinda smothering. I mean you are with your kids 24/7. Sometimes I find myself wanting to just break away, go in the closet, sit there alone in quiet. Sometimes I am so longing for those moments that I miss the now with the kids. Today, I gave myself so completely to them. And in those alone times, like drying my hair, I just breathed deep. It wasn't this picture perfect day, but I am ending it feeling like I made a lot of the right choices. I noticed the small details of my children. I delighted in the simple things.

To celebrate valentines tomorrow we made cookies tonight. They really had a ton of fun. I video taped part of it, and after they went to bed, I video taped again. I showed the cookie dough on the floor with a shoe print in it, the macaroni noodles left over from dinner squished all over the place, black beans (looked like rat crap) littered the floor as well as confetti sugared sprinkles. Pans everywhere, stuff piled high. It was the biggest disaster my kitchen has seen in a long time. Thankfully I had the energy to get it all cleaned up. My body is so ready for the bed every night after the kids hit the hay. Oh, I finally gave in and decided to keep my Billy Blanks TAE BO video. I have been doing it everyday that I haven't been able to walk with dad. Most days I combine it with Denise's Pilates. Everyday my butt is sore. Feels good, I know its working!

This is so random ... but it's my thoughts. Good night.

didn't go but listened

We did not make it to church. I woke up at 7:30 and panicked. I set my alarm for 6 am on the computer but the volume must have been so low that I slept right through it.

Tonight as I finally finished my closet I listened to the sermon. I must say, this series is the BOMB! He is speaking about temptation. All temptation. Breaking it down, giving the facts, equipping to fight against it. It is RIGHT ON! I could go on and on about it, but instead I will give the link to it. You can listen or watch it.
Forty-One Days, Pause, Part 1 & Soul Provider, Pause, Part 2.

There are two more coming, 4 total in this series. I can't wait for the rest.

go or no go

ok, my man will not be around tomorrow to go to church with us. Should I get up at 6 am and do it alone? I want to go REAL bad but I always dread the whole thing without him. I am sitting here contemplating on what time to set the alarm. (jeopardy music ticking in my head)

Started cleaning out my closest to find something I was missing. In the middle of the process I found it. As I am heading to bed, I had to push all my junk off, b/c of course I didn't finish my closest. I just have to laugh at myself and in a determined tone say ... tomorrow is another day!

girl content, warning!

I love Cherry Coke. I love Mr. Pibb. I need at least one of them everyday. Just one. Well I went to the boob doctor for some minor pains and small lumps. He is asking me to cut caffeine out COMPLETELY. I am not so addicted to the caffeine, though my current nagging headache begs to differ. It really is the sugar I crave. A sweet syrupy soda is what I want. I normally drink one everyday. Anytime between lunch and dinner. I savor it. This is going to be hard. I will not adjust to diet drinks. I will some how just go on without them.

The doctor says he is not worried about me. I did get the most thorough breast examine EVER! They did an ultrasound. As he was smashing my stuff all around I kept looking at the screen. I told him I can't help but to think I should expecting to see a baby. He made a joke and said, "If we see one, we will definitely go down in the books. Haa Haa" I politely laughed back. The whole thing is weird. Some man other than your husband exploring your body. You know it's all scientific, but it is and will always be awkward. Oh, they also flatten my twins in a machine for a mamogram. It was uncomfortable but the worst part is peeling the stickers off when its all over. OUCH! That was the worst to me. I just have some denser tissue in an area they will want to look at every year. What does that mean? I am not sure, but I am not worrying any more.

catching up

So my favorite L.A. girl was heading over to Nashville for a few days and it everything worked out beautifully for me to spend some time with her. One of my favorite friends and one of my favorite cities. It was a swell couple of days. Lots of pondering and discussing all major areas of life: sex, money, love, friendships etc. Lots of giggles at our cultural differences me -southern with a bit of a twang: her- little valley girl -"like she really is" Our husbands tease us that we pick up each others accents for a few days every time we are around each other! We ate some good meals. Our favorite was calypsocafe. We actually ate their twice, same seat, same waiter, same meal. It was just that good. I got to visit with some old friends while I was there. Visited our old house, old neighborhoods, and reminisced of the newly wed days that me and my man experienced before kids.

When I got back home, I wasn't sure what to expect. My man had been Mr. Mom for two days. I was just expecting survival mode. The house looked better than when I left it. Clean kitchen and everything in its place. What a guy. I did get one of the best!

Yesterday I woke up ready to go. The kids all came and piled in bed with me. Yummy! They played really well together. We got school work done. No fussing at dinner. It was sweet. I feel more "together" now that I had a little break. The kids look cuter and sweeter. I have a deeper appreciation for my hubby. I am more thankful for my blessings.

Well I think that sums it up.

Biggest regret ... not taking my CAMERA and not getting a picture of Heather and me!

too tired

I made some mexican tonight. It was really good. I am full, warm (b/c of my nice pink fleece robe), and tired. I already fell asleep on the couch twice. I am off to bed. Heather-I miss you. I had a great time in Nashville. I am still planning to write about the trip. Hopefully tomorrow.

One more comment for the day. my husband is so incredibly awesome. Just when I think I could not love him any more than I do, bam, it happens again, it just keeps getting better.

back

i am back from a short trip to Nashville. I will type more later....

hit the spot

please do not touch my butt, cause I might scream! I have been a regular now for about three weeks at walking and doing pilates. I have a great workout video by Denise Austin called "Hit the Spot Pilates". It is awesome. (No crazy aerobics that make me look like a FREAK) It has great short 10 minute options. Well yesterday I was feeling pretty confident that I could handle the 15 minute "Pilates Challenge" option. It is a more intense workout that hits all the "spots" instead of isolating just one. Well it blindly kicked my butt. I felt fine all day, then when I woke up, it felt like I got a dozen shots in each cheek. So a friend of mine and her kids came over to play and we decided to bond and hit the pilates challenge together. Now my butt has seriously been kicked, pounded and slammed. I have never been so sore in the buttocks (Denise loves to use that word and it is now one of #1's favorite) It's working. RW thanks for joining me in the punishment today. One more week of this and the kids will be able to bounce a ball off my buns. tight!

flat cat heroes

My kids picked this book out at the library. We read it yesterday. I wasn't too crazy about it, but obviously they loved it. #1 came to me this morning asking for help in making a flat cat costume. Every ounce of it was his idea, where the ears should go, how to make the cape. I just helped put it all together. They are having fun today. Doesn't our house show it?!

Oh, and the uniform at our HomeSchool is P-jays all the way!

get your groove on....

while washing the dishes. Last night my man had to work late. The kids had been begging to watch Robots so we all piled on the couch and glued ourselves to each other. Towards the end of the movie I was struggling to stay awake. When it was over I kissed them all sweetly in their beds. I was about to crawl to the tub and soak awhile when I remembered, the kitchen is completely covered in dirty dishes. Oh how I wanted to wiggle my nose and make them all disappear. Tried it .... Surprise... it didn't work. I was contemplating on just ignoring them for the night, knowing I would hate myself in the morning, when my little best friend came to mind... my ipod shuffle. Hooked that baby up and the dishes were done in no time. I got so much energy it all got scrubbed real good.